Total Drama Chaos
by Matthew Kaiser
Summary: Chris and Chef are back for another season of torture. Thirty-six contestants a billion dollars and a pale new face. A recipe for fun...or is it?
1. Chapter 1

** Let The Madness Begin Pt. 1**

"Ah, this is the life, the life I am accustomed too, the life I have earned and deserved."

Chris McClain sat back on his beach chair, kicking up his legs and soaking up the sun. The producers gave him back his private cruise ship after the results of all-stars. Chris put on his shades and picked a copy of "Canada`s Wealthiest", and proceeded to read his own article. After about thirty minuets Chris was interrupted from his relaxation by the grimace and slightly guilty face of his side-kick Chef.

"Gwaaa!" Chris said, spilling out of his chair, "Dang it Chef! How many times do I have to tell you not TO DO THAT WHILE I`M SLEEPING?"

"A million, but that`s not the point," Chef said, "What is, is this."

Chef tossed Chris a stack of papers and he began to thumb through them, after a few minuets his eyes widened when he realized what he was reading.

"These are the reviews from the All-Stars season, aren`t they?" He asked shaking.

Chef nodded nervously and took a deep breath before speaking.

"It`s like this, the critics liked it personally and the producers were okay with it, the fans on the other hand..." Chef scratched the back of his head. "Yeah they we`re torn, some people liked it, others felt unsatisfied."

"What? What the hell do these idiots want?" Chris said, throwing down the reviews. "The company only gave us enough money to make thirteen episodes!"

"Yeah, luckily they were able to look over the contracts and have found out everyone still has a year left in their contracts."

"That`s great, but we`re already set for season six, and the new islands been secured for us."

"That brings us to part two." Chef said, "The producers are going to delay that season and give the fans another all-star season."

"Ha, that _is_ funny!" Chris said, leaping back onto his chair. "There is no way in hell those kids are stupid enough to come back for another season, not for ten million dollars!"

"How about a billion?" Chef said, whipping a TV sized briefcase out of nowhere.

Chris once again fell out his chair, then scrambled to his feet and popped open the briefcase. In it was dozens and dozens of Canadian hundred-dollar bills. Chris ran his hands through the glorious yellow notes and an evil gleam came into his eyes.

"A man could retire if he had a billion dollars." Chris looked up to Chef and closed the brief case. "Couldn`t he?"

"Yes!" Chef said, catching Chris` drift. "He sure could."

Chef and Chris through their heads back and laughed maniacally as the boat turned around.

"Oh by the way, the producers want us to add this new guy they found from somewhere." Chef said.

"Eh, whatever. Back to laughing maniacally."

* * *

The boat arrived several hours later at a small black and white coast.

"Where are we?" Chris asked.

"A place called Chaos city, oh by the way this season is called, "Total Drama Chaos" for some reason." Chef said.

"That's...redundant." Chris said, "I mean I like it, it`s just not as charming as Action or World Tour."

"Relax Chris, look I`ll go get the cool billion, you talk to the people and we`ll enjoy watching those idiots get tossed from the plane. You remember your lines don`t you?"

"Please, I am a word ninja!" Chris said.

Chris walked through Chaos city, it was small, black, white and fake. The buildings we`re just fancy power poles shaped like the empire state building. In the center there was a zebra-stripped port-a-potty which would serve as the confessional, two ratty cow patterned cabins for the losing teams and a large black and white Victorian style mansion for the winning team. Chris smiled, because at the tip-top of a black and white hill was dainty white cottage where he and Chef would be staying for the next thirty-five episodes.

Chris finally made it to the edge of the city a black plank bridge where the interns and crew-men were waiting for him. Chris smiled and took a deep-breath as the camera man began counting down from ten, when he reached two, the lights went on and Chris began his trade-mark intro.

"Hello loyal viewers!" He said, "Now last time some of you were not as satisfied as others with our All-Star season. But we`ve got your antidote on our brand new and special mega season. This season we`ve got thirty-six, yes thirty-six of your favorite characters from the original season and the fourth. As they will be put the ultimate test for the ultimate prize of one...BILLION...dollars! I`m not kidding folks, in a moment we`ll introduce our thirty-six victims, but for now, welcome to...Total...Drama...Chaos!"

Theme song plays.

"Yes, that was brilliant, I really hope they liked that metal remix, huh, what, oh we`re back, okay, count down!"

"Welcome back, now lets introduce this season`s victims!" Chris said, as the Total Drama Jet flew over the city.

"From seasons one through three, and boy will this be long." Chris said. "Sierra, Cody, Gwen, Courtney, Duncan, Owen, Alejandro, Heather, Lindsay, Leshawna, DJ, Ezekiel, Tyler, Noah, Izzy, Beth, Geoff, Bridgette, Katie, Sadie, Justin and Blaineley! Wait who was that last one."

As the twenty-two contestants were thrown from the jet into the cold water near Chaos city, they all complained and groaned in their own little ways. Only Owen seemed to be happy as he shouted his signature "whoo-hoo!" as they swam ashore.

"Seriously? Blaineley! Why is she here? Was someone really demanding more Blaineley? Gah!" Chris grumbled.

The contestants walked past Chris ignoring him and grumbling except for Owen who was whooping it up. Finally Blaineley walked up to Chris, whipping her wet hair in his face.

"Oh please Christopher, like I`d actually want to see any of you freaks again." She said, draining the moisture from her hair. "I`m only here to win the billion, not to see any of you."

And with that she flipped her hair and strutted past the others.

"Bitch." Heather said underneath her breath.

"Anyway, Now from season four, please welcome back...Mike, Zoey, Cameron, Anne Maria, Brick, Jo, Lightning, Scott, Sam, Dakota, B, and Dawn! Wait didn`t Mike already win last season`s million, eh whatever."

"I can not believe I let you talk me into another season of this crap!" Zoey said swimming ashore.

"But it`s a billion dollars!" Mike said, "Plus I was in like, four episodes before Mal took over, I`m ready to compete and show the world what Mike can do."

"That`s fine, but how did you talk ME, into this?" Cameron said.

"Quit you`re whining shrimp!" Jo said, blasting past him and swimming ashore first.

"Well that`s everyone, so lets begin." Chris said. "Now..."

"Chris, it`s only thirty-five people, and we need to muzzle Ezekiel." Chef said.

To prove his point, Ezekiel snarled and pounced on Anne Maria.

"Ah! Get this mook off me!" She screamed.

"Whatever, can we get this masquerade over with, I`ve got time and teens to kill." Chris said. "Now then I`m going to arrange you all into three teams of twelve."

Everyone rolled their eyes and Leshawna tossed a rock at Chris which he ducked and it kept going into the water.

"Okay guys, now let`s make these teams." Chris said, "Team one, will consist of Mike, Zoey, Cameron, Sierra, Cody, Gwen, Courtney, Duncan, Owen, Eva, Anne-Maria and Brick. You guys will be the Laughing Maniacs."

A small ding was heard and the head of a familiar clown in a purple circle appeared over the teens heads. Mike, Zoey and Cameron gave each other high-fives. Sierra squeezed Cody, while Gwen and Courtney glared at each other trying to ignore Duncan. Eva and Brick looked indifferent and only Owen seemed to be over-joyed with the team, while Maria just sprayed her hair to death.

"Yes, now team two will consist of Alejandro, Heather, Lindsay, Jo, Lightning, Scott, Leshawna, DJ, Ezekiel, Tyler, Noah and Sam. You guys are the Roaming Sociopaths."

The ding went off and the cloaked head of Jack the ripper in a red circle appeared over their heads. Jo moaned and rolled her eyes as Everyone else eyed each other menacingly.

"Hey wait a minute...we have to share a team Ezekiel!" Alejandro realized.

The sociopaths all crowded behind him, as Ezekiel flashed his sinister grin.

"Well this is gonna hurt." Scott said.

"Yes, your misery is fantastic, now team three will consist of Izzy, Beth, Geoff, Bridgette, Dakota, B, Dawn, Katie, Sadie, Justin and Blaineley. You guys are the Anti-Social Psychos."

The last ding went off and weird Al-Yankovic`s head appeared in a blue circle.

"Ha, I think we know which team is going out first." Said Duncan.

"Not cool bro, not cool." Geoff said.

"Hey, we only have eleven members!" Blaineley said.

A cold wind blew over the contestants and Chris as they started to shiver, the loud and cold steps of boots against wood echoed across the pier. A teenager appeared behind Chris, he was tall, pale and scary thin. He wore all black, a black leather jacket over a black t-shirt and black jeans, his hair was also black and draped over his right eye, his left eye was an icy blue, staring daggers, specifically at Mike.

"Um...hi, Marilyn Manson?" Cody said.

"Ah you must be our new guy." Chris said.

"Drake." He said, his voice sounding like he was trying to swallow a frog.

"Drake, whatever, go join your fellow Psychos." Chris said.

Drake pried his gaze away from the Maniacs and joined his team, who were a little miffed by his appearance.

"Alright everyone, it`s challenge time!" Chris said gleefully. "Now everyone follow me and Chef to Chaos desert."

_BZZZT!_

"Ugh! I can`t believe I decided to come back for another season of this crap." Gwen said. "Damn Mike and his persuasion. Oh well, maybe me and Courtney can rekindle our friendship, I just wish we didn`t have to share a team with Dumb-can."

_BZZZT!_

"Another season of madness, so great." Duncan said sarcastically. "A billion bones isn`t bad, but it looks like I`ve got a lot of stiff competition to go through. Gonna need a lot of sticks."

_BZZZT!_

"My team is nothing more than a rag-tag of dorks." Justin said. "All the strong players are either with the Maniacs or the Sociopaths. Then there's that new freak. Better watch out for him, being new has been favorable for the players before."

_BZZZT!_

The campers kept walking behind Chris and Chef`s jeep until they reached a desert of white sand.

"Okay losers, welcome to the desert of Chaos," Chris said. "Now then, today`s challenge is called the great "Chaotic Race" the three teams will race until they reach the middle of the desert, there you will see three sleds, an iron sled a wooden one and one made of stone, the team that gets there first gets the first pick. The winning team gets to spend the night in Villa La Victory, and the losers get the cow-sheds. Now GO!"

** M-MINUS 666**


	2. Chapter 2

**Let the Madness Begin Pt.2**

The race was on, the teens and Blaineley pulled out all the stops while running. The Maniacs used the, "carry me" method as Mike let Zoey ride on his back, and carried Cameron under his left arm. Sierra grabbed Cody and carried him without his consent. Owen agreed to carry Gwen, while Brick was coaxed into carrying Anne Maria. Duncan offered to carry Courtney...and was swiftly kicked in the kiwis.

_BZZZT!_

"She...will...pay!" Duncan said before falling over.

_BZZZT!_

Team Sociopaths, being mostly made of mostly athletes, were ahead of the other teams, with Lightning carrying a smug Noah and a tired Sam. The Psychos on the other hand we`re far behind with only Geoff, Bridgette and Izzy making any effort.

"Hey, where`d the new guy go?" Geoff said.

"Maybe he was never really here." Katie said.

"Ooh, like maybe a mind trick from Star Wars or something." Sadie said.

_BZZZT!_

"Ugh!" Blaineley said.

_BZZZT!_

The Sociopaths made it to the sleds first, catching their breaths before choosing their sled.

"Okay, let's get the wooden sled." Heather said, "Hey wait a minute, how are we supposed to use these?"

The team scratched their heads until Noah realized what she meant.

"Chris didn`t give us any animals or motors did he?" Noah said, smacking his fore-head. "We have to pull these things ourselves don`t we?"

"Sha-Yeah baby!" Lightning said enthusiastically. "Everyone just step back and let Lightning handle this!"

"No way, jock-itch!" Jo said. "I..."

"I...think that is a wonderful idea." Alejandro said. "Jo a minute."

Alejandro took Jo by the arm and led her behind the iron sled.

"Our team has Ezekiel on it." Al said. "I think we can go one night in the barns if we can eliminate him."

"I am not throwing this challenge for any reason!" Jo said.

Her mind changed when Ezekiel`s primal scream went out, and the little monster began barreling down on them.

"Okay, let`s get the sled and push on." Jo said.

"Everyone vamanos!" Alejandro said.

Lightning stretched out and grabbed the reigns as everyone piled in.

"GO! GO!" Heather screamed.

As the Sociopaths were being dragged away by Lightning with Ezekiel drooling after them, Drake climbed down from the stone sled, a slick smile on his face.

_BZZZT!_

"So, they want to lose on purpose?" Drake said. "I can help with that."

_BZZZT!_

He ducked behind the stone sled again as the Maniacs showed up, gasping for air.

"Oh great," Courtney said, "The wooden sled is gone, and knowing Chris, we have to pull this thing ourselves, which he conveniently decided to leave out."

"It`s okay ma`am." Brick said. "The iron sled is smaller than the stone one, so I can carry it, you guys just enjoy the ride."

"I don`t think that`s such a good idea." Gwen said.

"Step aside wimps." Eva said, pushing Brick aside and picking up the reigns.

Brick stood up and picked up the reigns too.

"Duncan, why don`t you join them?" Gwen said.

"Yeah, I don`t know seems kind of dumb." Duncan said. "Besides those two look like they`ve got everything under-control."

"Ugh, lazy moron, I`ll do it." Courtney said.

She picked up another pair of reigns as everyone piled in.

"I don`t know, I don`t feel right having women do this work." Brick said.

"Save your chivalry." Courtney and Eva said in unison.

The Maniacs took off, as Drake once again stepped out from behind the stone sled. His blue eyes boring a hole into the back of Mike`s head as he clenched his hand into a fist. His thoughts were interrupted as his team finally showed up.

"It took you guys long enough." He said in his croaky voice.

"We got lost, and where did you go?" Beth said.

"It doesn`t matter now." Drake said. "The Sociopaths are in the lead, and the Maniacs close behind. There are no animals or motors for the sleds, so everyone we must decide who rides and who carries."

"Well I`m not carrying." Katie said.

"Neither am I." Sadie said.

"It doesn't matter." Drake said. "Dakota, I thought you were a mutant."

"What, I got better." She said.

_BZZZT!_

"I couldn`t deny the world my sparkly adorableness." Dakota said. "So my daddy was able to use science or something to cure my body. I will get my spin-off damn it!"

_BZZZT!_

"Fantastic, I guess, that means, Geoff, Justin, the mute and I will be carrying the rest of you." Drake said.

"Mute?" Bridgette said.

B just shrugged and picked up the reigns.

"Oh and one more thing." Drake said, picking up the other reigns. "Which one of you is a weapons expert?"

"Why?" Dawn asked.

Drake pulled out three water guns, each one had the three teams logos and colors on them.

_BZZZT!_

"Nice." Blaineley said.

_BZZZT!_

"Yeah!" Izzy said, grabbing the guns. "Now the hunt begins!"

"Hunting is wrong." Dawn said sternly.

"So is living, and yet here we are." Drake said. "Now then get in so we can go?"

"Whoa, whoa, hold on a minute guys." Justin said. "I`m not running, sweat is bad for the bod."

Justin posed as the girls fawned over him. Drake walked up to Justin, his hands clasped and smiling brightly. He then proceeded to smack Justin across his face and grab him by the collar.

"Run. Now." He whispered.

_BZZZT!_

"Okay, emo boy is first!" Justin said, rubbing his cheek.

_BZZZT!_

The team took off on that quite note. Meanwhile up ahead the psychos were contemplating their plan.

"We are not throwing this challenge!" Heather said.

"I don`t want to either." Alejandro said. "But we need to get rid of the abomination if we are to achieve victory."

"He makes a good point." Scott said, looking behind the sled to see Ezekiel still pining for them.

"Well as good as it may be, it`s still an Aley-heinous plan, so we shouldn`t put any stock into it." Leshawna said.

"You`re still mad at me?" Al said in faux disbelief.

Leshawna, DJ, and Noah all glared at him.

_BZZZT!_

"I guess so." Alejandro said in a cute voice.

_BZZZT!_

"Well I still think we should take a vote," Al said. "Everyone for throwing the challenge?"

Al raised his hand, so did Jo and Scott.

"Looks like it`s a tie sport." Noah said.

"Not everyone voted!" Al said. "Lindsay, Tyler?"

Lindsay and Tyler, were busy in each others arms , making out and giggling.

"Okay...Sam?" Al asked.

Sam was busy snoring, flopped out on his face with his legs in the air.

_BZZZT!_

"Joy to the world." Al said, his hands in his face.

_BZZZT!_

Behind them, Brick, Eva and Courtney sprinted forward, gaining on the Sociopath`s heels.

"So Mike, Zoey how have you two been?" Sierra asked creepily.

"Oh you know, just a little of this and a little of that." Mike said uncomfortably.

"You know, when this is over you two should totally check out my Moey videos, I`m thinking about changing them to Zike, depending on what the fans think."

"Speaking of videos." Duncan said, "Got any new Gwuncan?"

"Ugh!" Gwen said.

"Sorry, but you guys haven`t given me anything to work with in the last year." She said.

Everyone but Cody`s eyes widened as they looked at Sierra in disbelief.

_BZZZT!_

"Yeah, Sierra has stalked everyone for the last year." Cody said. "I`ve literally tried to keep her on a leash, but she keeps breaking free."

_BZZZT!_

"How do you live with her?" Cameron whispered to Cody.

"Pizza and booze, lots and lots of pizza and booze." Cody said.

"Guys, we have company." Duncan said.

The Psychos were closing in, albeit with Geoff and B sweating up a storm.

"Izzy, ready the water guns." Drake said. "Now fire when we pull up to the left."

"Fire? Okay!" Izzy said, she took out one of the water guns and unleashed a barrage of mysterious orange liquid.

"Fantastic." Drake said sarcastically. "Boys make a left."

The Psychos pulled up to the left and Izzy began dowsing the Maniacs with the orange liquid and shouting nonsense.

"Ack, what is this garbage?" Gwen said.

Cody tasted some then puked.

"I think this is garbage." He said.

"Wait, they got a squirt gun?" Duncan said. "How come we didn`t?"

"I think we did." Cameron said, running his fingers on some hooks.

"Those sneaky dogs." Duncan said with grudging respect.

"Ah Izzy, why are you spraying me?" Owen said.

"Hi Owen." She said, blasting him in the face with the liquid.

_BZZZT!_

"Life has been hard without Izzy." Owen said. "My family is in debt, and Chris has stiffed me with special guest checks. It would be easier if I had a rock to fall back on. But still...whooh?"

_BZZZT!_

As they began to pull ahead Drake took a look back at Mike, making a cold eye contact before sneaking ahead.

_BZZZT!_

"That was...odd." Mike said

_BZZZT!_

Drake stared into the camera before smashing it.

_BZZZT!_

Drake dropped his reigns and back-flipped into the sleigh.

"Excuse me sweetie." He said, taking the gun from Izzy. "Izzy, Chef said you were a loser."

"GRRRR! CHEFY!" Izzy growled. She leaped from the sleigh and pounced on Drake's fallen reigns. She put them in her mouth and began to angrily run forward on all fours.

Drake turned around and blasted Brick, Eva and Courtney in the face with the liquid. As the three slipped and complained. Drake took another look back at Mike. The two making an uncomfortable eye-contact, and for a second, it looked like his blue eye had turned brown. Mike rubbed his eyes, when he opened them again he saw white as he and the rest of team Maniac was launched head first into the white sand.

_BZZZT!_

"Ew!" Courtney said, whipping the orange liquid from her arms. "That freak is going down!"

_BZZZT!_

Drake was still looking back until he realized the girls were saying his name.

"DRAKE!" Bridgette yelled.

"Oh sorry Madame." Drake said, "Just making sure they were far behind us."

"And what if you hurt them?" Dawn said.

"Come now, they`ll be fine, in fact, don`t be surprised if they end up in second place."

Drake walked to the front of the sleigh and put his hand over his brow.

"Ah, victory ahoy." He said.

Ezekiel was only a few feet ahead and on the Sociopath`s heels. He was snarling and drooling acid, running about on all-fours.

"Perfect." Drake said.

He plucked a sharpened stone from his jacket and tossed it at Ezekiel`s head. The stone blasted Ezekiel in the face and he rolled about until he fell head-first into a pit.

"Drake!" Dawn yelled.

"So sorry, just need to get ahead." Drake said.

He grabbed the reigns and pulled them to the left, Izzy angrily veered in the direction.

"Oh great, company." Alejandro said, "Quickly someone get something to attack with."

"We have these tiny hooks." DJ said.

Drake whistled and the Sociopaths turned around. Drake whipped out the red and purple squirt guns, raising his eye-brow in a devious way.

_BZZZT!_

"That slick son of a gun." Jo said. "I like it."

_BZZZT!_

Drake started to shoot them with the orange liquid.

"Gah! What is this crap? Heather shouted.

"It smells like trash!" Noah said.

"I don`t know it smells kinda nice." Scott said, before getting shot in the mouth. "AAAAH! Well, that was nasty."

"Do we have anything thing to fight back with?" Alejandro asked.

"I`ve got my hair-brush." Leshawna said.

"It`ll have to do." Al said.

He grabbed the brush and aimed it at the Psychos he sized them up then tossed it, the brush making a bee-line for Drake.

"Dakota look, a cute brush." Drake said, going back to the reigns.

Dakota cried with glee and caught the brush, the made an "ew" face when she saw it.

"It`s just a regular black and ratty hair-brush." Dakota said.

"Hey that cost me seven dollars!" Leshawna shouted.

"Well, I better return it." Drake said.

Drake grabbed the brush and went back to the rear of the sled. He slipped his hand into his jacket and plucked out another sharp stone and a white string. He tied them together and stepped back to toss it.

"Catch!" He yelled.

Drake tossed the brush stone, it veering into the hull of the sled, punching through it and the other side. Leaving two large holes that tore the sled apart.

_BZZZT!_

"Whoops." Drake said shrugging.

_BZZZT!_

Lightning kept running, not even noticing his team being trashed behind him.

"Sha-Victory, Sha-Glory, Sha...god damn it!"

Lightning felt something pierce his knee as he went down, head first into the sand. His skull being shoved into a pit.

"Oh my." Drake said, shrugging.

Chris and Chef stood at the finish line and Chris waved the flag as the Psychos blew past the finish line. Izzy pounced on Chef, ripping at his face as they both screamed. Chef in anguish and Izzy in anger.

"And the Anti-Social Psychos win! Followed by the Laughing maniacs." Chris said.

Eva, Brick and Courtney fainted as the three gasped for air.

"Can`t...feel...legs." Courtney gasped.

"Arms...on...fire." Eva said.

"No...pain...no...gain." Brick said.

"We got second uni-brow." Duncan said.

"Noooooo," Brick said weakly.

"Well Psychos, congratulations." Chris said. "You guys get an all you can eat buffet, clean beds and a shower in Villa La Victory. Maniacs, for coming in second you guys get food that won`t kill you and a descent shower."

"Does our victory include some regenerators for my boy-friend and the other boys." Bridgette said.

Geoff, B and Justin, who had been dragged the whole time were sprawled out on the sand, their arms and legs twisted in every direction but the right way.

"Meh, I`ll see." Chris said.

He turned and smiled as the Sociopaths crossed the finish line at last.

"Well my Roaming Losers, I`ll be seeing you at the elimination ceremony, it`ll be held at the docks." Chris said. "You guys can use the confessional to vote on who gets eliminated tonight."

_BZZZT!_

"Poor Al and Heather." Drake said, "I`ll be saving those twits for later, for now I`ll pick off Mike`s team."

_BZZZT!_

Several hours later, the Roaming Sociopaths met with Chris and Chef at the docks. Ezekiel was in a pet carrier trying to get out and Lightning in a leg sling.

"Okay kids, I`ve tallied up the votes, and in a not so surprising twist Ezekiel has an over-whelming eleven to one vote!" Chris said.

"Wait, I voted for lightning!" Jo said.

"Really, you`re pulling this again?" Lightning said. "Are you obsessed with Lightning or something?"

"Just flush him already!" Heather said.

"This season we`ve got something new." Chris said.

The docks shook as a large black cylinder rose from the water, it flipped into a diagonal line, facing the opposite side of the city.

"It`s the boom of shame!" Chris said. "I you guys couldn`t have picked a perfect test subject."

Chef took Ezekiel`s carrier and loaded it into the cannon and Chris pressed a button on his watch and the cannon fired Ezekiel deep into the night sky.

"Is he gone for good?" Noah asked.

"Don`t know, but I`ll send the Total Drama Machine to destroy I mean...capture him. Yes. Capture." Chris said.

Everyone shrugged and headed back to their cabin as Chris wiped his brow.

"One contestant down, thirty-five to go!" Chris said, "Who will win? Who will be blown into the sky next? And who will go down in the deeps? All that and more on the next episode of...Total...Drama...Chaos!"

_"Payment. They will pay. Mike, Zoey, Cameron, Gwen, Courtney, Alejandro, Heather and that dumb red-neck. Pay! Pay! PAY! They will pay!"_

**M-MINUS 631**


End file.
